mood swings

ahhhhaaa, my silly chucky is finally back, soo nice to have him around again. his silliness and the physical fights haha just love him!!! he just got back yday and guess what we had for dinner ..turban!!!! lol...it was yum yum

thou i was happy and excited, i was also feeling pissed off on the other hand.
yday, jeral came home from work feeling sick too, when she came home, wei happened to be over so chuck , wei and i were just talking outside, was going to go check on her after chatting to see wat she wants to eat so i can cook and to give her just some time to rest from work, but before i could do that i got a msg from brother bear , saying boss is sick and starving so asking me to cook something for her and i could earn some brownie points...when i saw that msg, i thought it was really sweet of dan , but it sorta pissed me off in the inside soo much. i dun need to earn brownies points from her...i know she is my sister, but still , i dun need the points to suck up to her or just to make her happy with me. but she did say thank you and all so i just felt the warmth and i feel bad that she is sick coz i know she has been working really hard.

anyway, it is not that i dun care abt her i do put efforts too and to take initiative to clean the house and i am trying my best to get a job asap. if she is not happy with me she can tell me but i know she will tell me off in a very bitchy tone, in which i dun really need right now. i think i have put up with alot of her bitchiness and shit, last time i would use to just shout it out , but now i know she is facing that amount of stress and pressure, i just let it be, but there is only so much someone can take, i am not totally useless , i got my own demons to face on the inside.

plus today she woke up late again so i had to drop her off at the train station, almost hit a car coz it was soo cramped up and all , and she was like" that is why i dun like turning in here , next time turn the lane before" , it is in the morning, she didnt need to sound sorta like demanding like things alwyas have to go her way just because im living under her roof now and she is paying for everything. but anyway she finished work early coz she wasnt feeling very well and she has a tv panel thing to attend at murdoch uni again so she was going to come home to take a nap before going out. on the way back she was like wat did u do today , anything? and she was like i asked you to call those placecs to collect our used clothing and soft toys have u called, but i havent so i was like nah not yet, and her response was why are u that busy that u cant call. what a fucking bitch. i dun need ppl to keep rubbing it in my face that i got alot of time on my hands and that i dun have a job.

they dun know how hard it is to be in this situation, where i literally dun have a single cent left with me, i dun think i can even afford the train tickets anymore after today. how hard it is to be counting down for the day to get that 900 bucks, hope that it would be the mail when i check it. but still i try to be on the positive side of things, as i cant be living life looking on the down side, i need to be positive and happy to feel like i cam going to make it . it is not like im going to lock myself up and not see anyone or my friends. and she doesnt need to worry that i wont share my money with her i was going to give her 400-500 from wat im going to get from the govt so it mite help out a little at least. it is not that im trying to proff that i care, but when i do something i dun need to tell her i did it, or to prove it, as long as i can help out to ligthen up certain things im willing to do.

im treating this as a test to our sisters relationship, but i know things will work out, it is n ot like we argue allt he time just her attitude, just because we call her boss doesnt mean she really is the boss, and i also dun need bin to be telling me, dun tell my boss off or like someppl just got too mch timeon their hands, and how tired they are from work , i know wat it feels like to work , it is not like im a total bum and just stay home, or like i havent worked that hard in my life before. so for once, just stop RUBBING IT IN MY FACE!!!!

i know ppl who have told me, "its okay ur bf can look after you" chuck is a really sweet guy who have offered numerous time his help but when it is financial issue, it is not very nice after all , plus i dun want him to enter into this problem, , coz it is way too out of hand. but i really do appreciate him more and more thou he may be so clueless at times , he is slowly becoming part of my support that holds me up besides my family and friends.

i guess im feeling like this to the smallest things its coz im also frustrated with myself . but once i let it out whether it is verbally or just typing it out, just makes me feel ligther in some ways im just having another winge. lalalalalala random mood swings....

get well soon to ppl who are still feeling sick..take med and rest heaps!!

xoxo